Category: Spiritual Battle
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Today I felt a general sense of longing for another man several times at the gym, in the shower afterward, and various other times during the day. I know that in the past my same-sex attractions (SSA) have been driven by a perceived lack of masculinity on my part as well as a desire for…
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Today has been a bit more difficult than the past few days. The reason why is because my sexual temptations are increasing. As the temptations grow, I feel a growing amount of tension that I am usually prone to release through masturbation. But I will not be doing that anymore, Lord. I want to be…
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A Prayer of Repentance
Lord God, I am sorry for falling into unchastity today. I’m sorry for not being prayerful enough during times of temptation. I’m sorry for entertaining sexual fantasies about other men and lusting after them. I know this is wrong. These men are my brothers in Christ, not potential lovers. I know that you’ve called me…
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More Thoughts on the Cross
I was at Eucharistic adoration tonight, and I thought of something that I wanted to add to what I wrote this afternoon. I wrote earlier that I need to man up and fight the temptations that God has given me so that I can be purged of this attachment that I have to masturbation and…
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Back to Therapy
I’ve decided to go back to therapy after a six month hiatus. I’m going to be seeing a different therapist than I was seeing the last time. My new therapist was referred to me by my spiritual director, and apparently he has had some success in helping men and women deal with same-sex attraction. I’m…
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Good Couple of Weeks
The last several weeks have been fairly good for me. About two weeks ago, I went to confession to confess my last fall into masturbation and pornography. It was probably one of the best confessions that I’ve had for a long time. The priest really took the time to talk to me about my sins, and…
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Fighting the Spiritual Battle
Things have continued to be difficult for me over the last several days, particularly in dealing with my temptations to masturbate and have sex with other men. This is part of the spiritual battle, one in which the devil attacks me and tries to get me to act on the temptations that I experience. Like…
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Exhausted
Well, the title of this blog post pretty much sums up how I feel today: exhausted. Spiritually, emotionally, and physically exhausted. I’ve been feeling a little lonely and starved for attention over the past couple days, and that’s never a good thing. The devil always like to mess with me when I’m feeling that way.…
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Fighting Temptations
As I was reading through the Gospel According to St. Matthew recently, I came across the section where Jesus is in the desert and is being tempted by the Devil. Then Jesus was led by the spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. He fasted for forty days and forty nights, and…
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More Trials and Tribulations
Things continue to be very difficult for me in my struggles with chastity. Last night, I gave into my urge to masturbate without much of a fight. It’s a bit frustrating because I’m getting sick of committing and confessing the same sin over and over again. But I guess I’m just getting a little tired…