As I was reading through the Gospel According to St. Matthew recently, I came across the section where Jesus is in the desert and is being tempted by the Devil.
Then Jesus was led by the spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. He fasted for forty days and forty nights, and afterwards he was hungry. The tempter approached him and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, command that these stones become loaves of bread.” He said in reply, “It is written: ‘One does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes forth from the mouth of God.’” Then the devil took him to the holy city, and made him stand on the parapet of the temple, and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down. For it is written: ‘He will command his angels concerning you’ and ‘with their hands they will support you, lest you dash your foot against a stone.’” Jesus answered him, “Again it is written, ‘You shall not put the Lord, your God to the test.” Then the devil took him up to a very high mountain, and showed him all the kingdoms of the world in their magnificence, and he said to him, “All these I shall give you, if you will prostrate yourself and worship me.” At this, Jesus said to him, “Get away, Satan! It is written: ‘The Lord, your God, shall you worship and him alone shall you serve.’” Then the devil left him and, behold, angels came and ministered to him. (Mt 4:1-11).
Reading this passage gives me a great deal of knowledge about how to fight temptation, particularly the temptation to fall into homosexual sin or masturbation. The first thing that struck me when I read this passage a couple of weeks ago was how the Devil quotes scripture to tempt Jesus, but uses the scripture he quotes incorrectly. The Devil does something similar when he tempts us. He mixes in a little bit of truth in with lies. When I feel tempted to masturbate, for example, I’m tempted to think that engaging in that sin will aleviate my anxiety or that it will help dull the pain of loneliness. Both of these feelings are lies mixed in with a little bit of truth. Yes, masturbating does eliminate the anxiety and tension that goes along with fighting a temptation, but it results in spiritual death. Masturbation has made me very selfish and self-centered, and takes me away from God every time I do it. Masturbation also does nothing to get rid of my loneliness. Although I’m using a part of my body that is meant to draw me into intimacy with a woman, I am using it in a way that causes me to focus on myself and my own needs. That in turn makes it difficult to have intimacy with another person.
This passage also shows something else that is very important: how to fight temptation. Everytime the devil comes at Jesus with a scripture passage that is used incorrectly, Jesus comes back with the correct use of scripture. So here our Lord teaches us that we fight temptations with the truth. What does that mean practically for those of us that struggle with same-sex attractions? It means recognizing the consequences of sexual sins such as masturbation, as I noted above. But it also means knowing the truth about what is driving our sexual attractions. For example, I’ve seen in my life that my feelings of inadequacy as a man are big factor in my same-sex attractions. I often feel like I am not as manly as other men. I have to fight this by recognizing that this is not true. I am just as much of a man as other men. I have to recognize that manliness in myself. Another lie that I have fallen for lately is the lie that I want a romantic relationship with another man. The truth is is that I was not made to be in a romantic/sexual relationship with a man. My body was made to be united with a woman’s body, not a man’s. Knowing that has helped me to see that my desire for platonic friendships with other men and my desire for sexual intimacy have gotten all knotted up together, kind of like the Christmas lights that you take out of the box every year. Fortunately, God is helping me to get those feelings untangled.
Knowing the truth about ourselves is important for all of us, not just those of us with same-sex attractions. The more we know the truth, the more we know Jesus, since he is the truth personified (Jn 14:6).
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