I think I’ve identified a pretty major stumbling block in my spiritual life. I was praying before Mass started today, and I caught myself asking God to help me have faith. I think this is problematic because I don’t really need God’s help to have faith. It’s a choice that I have to make. I can choose to believe that Jesus Christ was crucified, died, and rose from the dead after three days and because of that the victory over sin and death has already been won. I can choose to believe that Jesus Christ is truly present in the Eucharist, and that he gives me all the graces I need to be a saint in this sacrament. I can choose to believe that the union I experience with Christ after receiving him in the Eucharist can satisfy all the longings of my heart, and that this union is what I long for more than anything, even more than the closeness I think I long for with other men.
It’s time to stop praying “God, help me to believe this” or “God, help me to believe that.” It’s time to make a conscious decision to choose to believe. Does that mean I’m going to stop sinning now, and that I’m going to believe in all the promises of the Gospel with every fiber of my being? Of course not. But instead of praying “God, help me to believe this,” my prayer can be the same as the father of the possessed boy who Jesus healed in the Gospel of Mark: “I do believe, help my unbelief!” (Mk 9:24)
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