This has been a pretty interesting week in my spiritual life. Last Sunday, I was really longing for a man’s companionship, particularly a man who I had met the night before. Usually when I feel like this the temptation to masturbate is very strong, and it was last week. Unfortunately, I gave in to the temptation and committed a number of other serious sins as well. I went to confession the next day, but as I was waiting in line I felt a strong urge to get up and walk out of the church. I just asking myself whether I believed in the faith that I had professed, and I was beginning to think that I didn’t. Luckily, I didn’t leave the church, and I had my confession heard.
I’ve also been having a little situation with a family member who seems to have rejected the Church’s teaching on divorce and remarriage. I had been doing my best to try to get this person to understand and accept the Church’s teaching, but I was unsuccessful. At the same time I’ve been trying to prepare myself for the reaction from the rest of my family members when they hear that I was opposed to this wedding. As I’ve been rehearsing this conversation, I’ve found myself thinking things like “God should be the foundation of our happiness, not other people.” The whole incident has really made me see that I do believe in what the Church teaches, and that I do believe that we should look for our happiness in God. So if I really believe that, it means that I shouldn’t be looking for my happiness in other people either, particularly other men. The only man that can make me truly happy is Jesus Christ. It is him whom I am called to have a deep, profound, and satisfying relationship with.
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