What Does it Mean to be a Man?

One of the topics that my therapist and I touched on last Saturday was what I think it means to be a man.  I told him that I thought one attribute of a man was physical strength. I said this in part because I have never been all that strong physically, and have never thought of my body as being masculine as a result. I also told my therapist that a man was someone who did not get all emotional and fall to pieces during a time of crisis, and someone who was courageous and able to say something that was unpopular. My therapist didn’t address all the points that I brought up, though he did say that Jesus got emotional and he was still man.

As I left my session, I thought about what my therapist had said, and I began to think that I may be holding myself to an impossibly high standard of what it means to be a man. Although I have never really thought of my body as being masculine, it certainly is, even though I may not have bulging biceps and rock-hard pecs. It is masculine simply because I am a male. As for not getting emotional during a stressful situation, certainly men get stressed out when things are going badly. They might even get angry, and sometimes they cry. This is what it means to be human. I am no different in this regard.

As for being courageous and being able to stand up for myself and say something that was unpopular, this is something that I can definitely work on. I too often fail to speak up when someone does something that might have a significant negative effect on me or someone else. I also fail to speak to someone about something when I am afraid that there will be a confrontation or I will make the person angry. This is something I need to get over. As my therapist said, I need to learn how to detach from other people’s emotions and let them have their anger if they want to get angry. But I need to speak up for myself and stand up for what is right when the situation calls for me to do so.

After reflecting on this session over the last several days, I began to see that I do have many masculine attributes, whether I feel masculine or not. It’s time for me to start thinking of myself as a man, because I am one, regardless of how I feel.