Today has been a difficult day for me. I recently got another computer, and before I could put a filter on it I used it to look at pornography. The struggle continues.
Usually after I fall into sins of unchastity, I try to figure out what pushed me over the edge. In the past it’s been loneliness, anxiety, or sadness. More and more it’s just been a desire for the pleasure of an orgasm. I think that was the case today. I haven’t really been feeling lonely or sad lately, and I haven’t been feeling anxious since I’ve been a little more disciplined about going to the gym and staying away from caffeine. But part of me is still very addicted to the pleasure that comes from masturbation and homosexual activity, even though I know how bad these things are for me. It’s going to be a tough habit for me to break. It really needs to sink into my mind that no matter how good it feels to masturbate and have a sexual encounter with another man, that pleasure pales in comparison to the true happiness that I experience from being in communion with the Lord and striving to follow His will for my life.
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