I recently attended the Unbound Conference that was given by Neal and Janet Lozano (pictured). The conference was all about overcoming sins that have a hold over our lives. It was a really powerful experience. During the conference I came to see that I believe a lot of lies about myself, namely that I am unlovable, that my family and friends don’t care about me, and that people don’t like me. There was a very powerful moment during the conference when we were given the opportunity to renounce the lies that we had come to believe about ourselves. It was very healing. Of course, I’m going to have to be vigilant to be sure that those lies don’t start creeping back into my life.
Another powerful part of the conference came when one of the speakers started discussing sexual sin. Those of us who had engaged in sexual activity outside of marriage were given the opportunity to reclaim our purity and cut any emotional and physical ties with people we had sex with. To come before God and do these things was very powerful. I really felt like I did reclaim the purity that I had lost through engaging in homosexual acts and masturbation, and that in cutting the physical and emotional ties with the people I had sex with, the Lord eliminated the power that my temptations have over me. I have never felt freer or more loved by God than I did at the end of the conference.
Not only did I feel loved by God, but I was filled with love for Him. I wanted to respond to God’s love and show my love for Him by re-committing myself in my battle for chastity. I’ve been running from that battle for too long, too afraid to deal with the discomfort of my temptations. Now I see that there is no way around the discomfort and the withdrawal caused by refraining from sexual activity. For the past five years or so, I’ve been looking for a way to avoid experiencing temptations, such as fasting, or engaging in a particular devotion or pious practice. But nothing has worked. I see now that the temptations are inevitable. I see now that I have no choice but to just sit with the temptations, knowing that God gives me all the graces that I need to get through, and that His burden is easy and His yoke is light. But the only way that the burden will be easy is if I try to carry it out of love; love for God, and love for family and friends. I can offer up my discomforts and any suffering that I might experience for the intentions of my friends and family.
I’m ready to take on this cross that the Lord has given me, not to curse me but to help me grow in love for Him and for others. I know that carrying it is going to be difficult, but with God all things are possible.
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