The last several weeks have been fairly good for me. About two weeks ago, I went to confession to confess my last fall into masturbation and pornography. It was probably one of the best confessions that I’ve had for a long time. The priest really took the time to talk to me about my sins, and didn’t try to rush through the sacrament like some priests do. He also told me something that really stuck with me: that my happiness is contingent on my battle with lust. I know that this is true, but it’s something that I really needed to be reminded of. I know that if I want to be happy, I can’t give in to my temptations just to make the discomfort of my temptations go away. This is something that I often do, but I’ve been trying to remind myself that the discomfort of even the most violent temptations is preferable to the spiritual death that I experience when I give into mortal sin.
I’ve also really been trying to watch my eating lately. Now you may be asking: What does watching your eating have to do with the battle for sexual purity? Actually, a lot. According to St. Josemaria Escriva, gluttony is the forerunner of impurity. I think that I have been falling into gluttony a lot lately without even realizing it. I often eat so much that I feel stuffed afterward. I hadn’t seen this as being gluttony because I thought that it was OK for me to eat that much food since I had room for it in my stomach. But now I see that this was gluttony, and that I don’t need to stuff myself every time I sit down for a meal. Instead, I’m trying to eat just until I don’t feel hungry anymore. This requires a lot of discipline, because it requires me to eat a lot more slowly than I am used to. In addition to trying not to fall into gluttony, I’m also trying to do a more rigorous fast once a week. I used to only skip once a meal one day a week, but now I’m following the Church’s rules for fasting, which allows for only one full meal that day. So far it seems to be helping me. I’ve experienced some pretty intense temptations this week, and by the grace of God I haven’t given in.
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