Today was a good day. I spent a few hours with some friends having lunch. I’m really thankful to God that I have a pretty good group of friends to spend time with. But I still feel a sense of longing and loneliness at times. I felt it last night at the New Year’s Eve party, a kind of attraction to this man and a desire for closeness with him. I can only conclude that this must be some type of spiritual longing, and that the longing that I feel must be for God and not for this man or anyone else. It seems that the feeling of longing and loneliness is always there, even after spending time with friends, or even as I am spending time with them. I am starting to see how no one person is going to satisfy me. That is because I am made for union with God, and my heart will only be at peace when I am with him in Heaven. So I am going to keep my heart set on God and the things of Heaven and strive to live a holy life with the help of His grace.

I have also seen how I shouldn’t be worried about whether or not I am going to be able to get married or be a priest one day. It is too easy for me in these situations to think that my problems with same-sex attraction are too big and that God cannot heal me. I need to live in the present and not worry about what my vocation may or may not be.